A story of physical and sexual assault.I Don’t Understand
I used to attend conventions as a female cosplayer. Something I greatly enjoyed & do to a limited degree. --- After reaching a close to doing photos & signatures, I headed back to my room. Ready to unwind & bathe. Just at the door, someone startles me. Standing some measure away from me. Seemingly messing with his own room door. He asked me to do a pose & sign for him. As a newbie then I didn't suspect anything of it. So I just went along with it & provided it for him. Satisfied, I returned to making entry into my own room. I make a stride past the door; I'm hit from behind. Knocking me down into a kneel. Suddenly I'm being restrained & before any proper attempt of struggle, a cloth is placed over my face. Abruptly blacking out, unable to do anything. I wake up, pain erupts all over my person. I find myself in horror of what I've just seen. My cosplay left ruined, essentially naked. Left as a heap of filth covered in bruising. All I can do is be left with tears & breakdown not knowing how something like this could have happened to me. That if I had just been more capable I'd have been ok. I msg the friends I made there that I can't show up & have to return home for personal reasons. After grimly cleaning & securing all my belongings I checked out & headed back home. I've never told anyone & while I don't harbor distress at anything besides the attacker themselves, I ended up not returning anyway due to covid times. Though I've been getting over it enough to return. Just this time with much more caution in mind. I just hope no other girls that love to attend just as I do have to go through such an experience. Thank you for reading Clayere Mothlorn. (Alias) If you wish to reach me by txt Kik - ClayereMothlorn
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story of family inflicted rape of a child (TW)I can’t fully remember my age and/or other events that happened around this time period, but I was young. Young enough to not know what sexual assault or rape was, let alone sex. I was so innocent, yet so easily influenced. I knew what he was doing to me wasn’t right, but when I tried to tell my older sisters, they laughed it off, so I did the same. Even though I didn’t think much of what happened to me after that, I still fully remember being sexually assaulted by my cousin. It started off as an innocent sleepover at my cousin's house. They were both older than my sister and I (my sister is five years older than me).
The sleepover went just fine, until my sister and my other cousin went out, so it was just he and I. He wanted to watch a scary movie, I vividly remember the movie. It was called “The Messengers”. He asked me to sit in his lap and I was too young to find that inappropriate at the time. I got into his lap and felt him thrusting as I sat there watching the movie. I began to feel uneasy and uncomfortable hoping that someone would come home, but no one did. I can't remember how long this lasted, but it felt like hours. At one point, he began touching me and rubbing me inappropriately. This was not the last time this happened to me. My sisters and I would go over to their houses often and he would bring me into his empty parents room. He would tell me to bend over on their massage bed and dry hump me. This happened numerous times until I became old enough to be aware of his actions. I remember one night showing my sisters how he would touch me. I demonstrated his actions on a large bear that was just about the size of me at the time. They thought I was joking and laughed it off. I buried these memories deep down and chose not to acknowledge them until I wanted to. I also want to say, his father is just as much a pervert as he is. My sisters and cousins have always agreed that his dad was a creep and everyone knew that, but no one did anything about it. There are several things that his father has done to me as well. His father had shown me his penis on several occasions during this time period. His father would also make me rub my hands against his crotch. I feel sick thinking that many of my cousins were openly uncomfortable about their father, yet no one did anything, and he just walks free. My parents are traditional. They grew up in China and immigrated here to give my sisters and I a better life. They always cared for success, but never much about our feelings. Telling them something like this would never be believed by them. They stick very close with family and would never believe anything like this. I have accepted that. I will never have the relationship with my parents that many of the people I grew up with had with theirs. I will have to live with these memories my entire life and act like our family isn’t messed up. I have to see two people who sexually assaulted me at every family reunion. There are times where I have to be alone with these people, but not a word is shared about what they did to me when I was younger. They will never admit it and I just can’t bring myself to confront them. But hopefully one day I will be able to. They have ruined every part of me and the way they turned out today makes a lot of sense. My cousin now works with his dad, he is socially awkward and has never had a girlfriend. I wish I could get justice, but with the family that I have, that will never happen. I wish that young girls and boys didn’t need to know what sexual assault is at a young age, but these things are so common and should be taught to kids young. They should not wait until it’s too late to realize they were sexually assaulted. story about being sexually assaulted by a friendHe was a friend and we lost touch because he moved to another country, but he came back and got back in touch. We decided it would be a good idea to hang out. We decided to go out and rent an Airbnb because we were going to go out and drink. We decided we would pregame at the place we were staying at and I had 4 shots and was already tipsy so I decided to lay down for a while while he was on his laptop. I ended up falling asleep and woke up to him next to me pulling down my pants. I stayed still because I was still processing what was happening. It felt like time stopped moving. I was on my stomach, so he didn’t know I was awake. He got on top of me and left my underwear on, and he left his boxers on and started to pleasure himself, basically dry-humping me. I finally had some strength to move a little bit, and he automatically stopped and went to the restroom. After 5 minutes of being shocked by what happened, I got up and started packing my backpack and got in the car. I drove to a hotel and showered there while crying. He texted me asking where I was and I told him I knew what he did. He apologized and asked me to come back so he could explain but I didn’t trust him. So I didn’t respond and blocked his number. I checked my social media and saw he blocked me.
Story of Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, Substance Use, Attempted Suicide, Depression, Religion, and Neglect (TW)Well, I would like to start off by letting you know that my various hardships started as early as I can remember- when I was five up to now and I am thirty-two. This is going to be lengthy, and I hope you read because I feel that it may help you. It started when I was five years old. My five siblings: three sisters, two brothers, mother and I were living in poverty. We lived in public housing and relied on the government. Living there absolutely sucked. We were pretty much the only white people there and we were always called racist slurs and it was a weekly occurrence that we would find out someone had been shot in front of our apartment door. We didn’t have a dad to help my mother out because he was put in prison for sexually assaulting two of my sisters. I think that having to take care of us six kids by herself was the reason why she was drinking every day. She was an alcoholic and had gotten pulled over for D.U.I with us in the car a few times before they finally took us from her. It was very bad because my brothers and I got put in a foster home and my sisters got put in another. The people we got stuck with fed us beans and rice everyday. We were there for over a year. They would always lock us up in closets and the garage for no reason. One day they had locked us up and they had stuck me in the garage. Do you know the sound a car makes when you turn it off and the metal starts cooling down? That tinkering sound. At that time I was six and believed in monsters and it scared me so bad. They had a door that led to the outside, but in front of it was stacked full of five gallon paint buckets. I had moved all of them and escaped. I ran up the road until I saw a woman swinging on her porch swing. I ran to her and was crying telling her everything. A week after that my sisters and I were reunited with our mother. She had got out of jail and was doing good and not drinking. She had met my soon to be step dad. He was a retired chief from the Navy. He was staying in the woods for some reason that I didn’t know, but he had got a job at the housing complex where we were living and ended up moving in with us. He was saving money and we moved out of the complex and into a house. Things were going good, however, not for long. They had started drinking everyday and would fight. One day, my brothers and I were playing outside together in the front lawn, when all of a sudden, my mother bursted out the front door with him right behind her holding a knife. She had tripped and fell in the yard and he was hovering over her saying he was going to kill her. I ran over to him and shoved him telling him to get off my mom. They ended up going back inside and when us boys went to go in, he told me I wasn’t allowed to come in and made me stay out all night. I was only seven at that time. The drinking was all the time and the fighting was periodically. They had split up at one point for a month and then got back together. We needed him. My mom had six kids, and two of my sisters were handicapped (mentally retardant). He worked and also got a check for being retired from the Navy. He spent twenty years in the Navy. He saved money and we moved into a different house, and then he and my mom got married. Then, one of my handicapped sisters died. At that time, I was twelve and they were still drinking everyday and the fighting started happening almost every night. It was happening so much I remember lots of nights hearing them fighting till two in the morning and finally he would go to bed, but tell my mom not to come in his room, so she would come in my room and ask me if she could sleep in my bed and I would say yes, and I would sleep if I could for the four hours before we would have to go to school. Sometimes they would start fighting early during the day and I would stick up for her and he would beat me. One day, he and I got into an argument and he pushed me down and he went to walk away and I went running at him and pushed him into the entertainment stand and he called the law and had them take me and I got put in foster care. I was thirteen then. They were always changing me from one foster home to another while I was in there and so I was also always changing schools. It was horrible because it caused me to get behind in school, and ultimately ruined my chances of graduating. I had to get my G.E.D. While I was in foster care, my other handicapped sister died. I was so sad and angry. I didn’t get to spend time with her before she passed. Before I got into foster care, I remember pushing her in her wheelchair to take her for a walk, and helping mom take care of her like feeding her and giving her her medicine. I helped my mom by holding her up in the tub. I was so angry that I cursed God saying he wasn't real. I remember trying to commit suicide a couple of times after that. I had took a whole bottle of aspirin one time and then I tried to hang myself from the cords on my weight bench. I continued to feel as if I had no family and no one who cared. A week right before I turned eighteen, the state had told me I could go back home. I hate that they had done that to me, because if I was in there for that last week I would have aged out and I would have had the opportunity to go to college free with free room and board. They did me dirty and instead I went back home just to get kicked out a week later because it was the same thing: drinking and my stepdad and I getting into it. I was thrown out on the street with nowhere to go. I had no friends to turn to for help. I was always changing schools so I never had time to make friends. I slept outside for a week and finally went to him begging for him to let me stay. He ended up saying yes. Something happened a few days later and he had called the police and I went to jail. I stayed homeless on the streets with nowhere to go. I ended up walking two counties over to one of my foster homes and asking if I could stay and they told me no. While I was walking with nowhere to go, I stopped at this store to see if they would give me some water and the guy working was talking to these two girls and one of them looked at me and started to talk to me. She told me I should come over to her house because they were having a party and it would be fun, so I did. We ended up getting along great together talking and drinking and she said I could stay there. She said I could work for her dad doing roofing. Her dad finally let me work for him. I went to work for him and he worked me that first day, paid me at the end of the day, and didn’t have me work anymore after that for some reason. I went back to her house and she said that I should get her some pills with that money I made. So, I gave her the money. I had no idea she took pills till then. I ended up getting a job at McDonald's a week later. When I got paid she wanted me to get her pills again. I gave her the money. At this time, it had been a month since I first met her and I liked her, but I didn’t want to be with a drug addict, so I left. I had nowhere to go once again and I was on the streets. I called my mom and told her I have nowhere to go. I don't know anyone and asked her what to do and she told me about homeless shelters. I started to look for one and there wasn’t any in the area I was in and the closest one was across the state line, so I went there to find out that I couldn’t stay there. They had a rule that I had to be a town resident before I became homeless. I didn’t know what to do. When I had called my mom I found out that my brothers were in the military. I called one of them and found out that they were both stationed around the same area and he said I could come stay with him because he had just got married and was living off base. I went across the country to stay with him. I had put in applications for jobs, but no one was calling me and my brother started telling me I had to go if I didn’t get a job. It had been a month since I had first arrived at his place and he ended up telling me I had to go. The next day, I finally got a call for a job, but I didn’t have anywhere to stay. I slept outside, but I went to work. I eventually told my boss I had been sleeping outside and they let me stay with them long enough for me to save up to get a place. Plus, she said I was working really hard and that she was going to give me a raise, but not to tell anyone because I would be making the same as the others that had been there for a long time. I stayed and saved and two months later I got my own place. I worked there for two years and I would hangout with all the other workers outside of work. I liked them all. It ended up becoming a problem because this one coworker wanted me to hang out with her at her place, but I had plans to hangout with one of the other ones, so I couldn’t hangout with her. The next day at work, she told me I was stupid for hanging out with them because they were always talking about me behind my back. I told her I don’t care and she started calling me more names and wouldn’t leave my work area, so I went to the boss and told her and she said if we can’t get along she would fire us both and that made me mad, so I quit. I wish I hadn’t done that, but I did. I wasn’t thinking and let my anger get the best of me and it really screwed me because my lease was up that month and I had nowhere to go and no job. I was twenty-one at this time. Then, I found out I was a father. The girl that I left that was taking pills had a boy. I was told I had to pay child support. I tried to get back with her, but she was with another man that she also had a child with. Since then, I have been homeless. I keep on trying, but it is impossible for me to get a place and a job. I went to many shelters, but they only let you stay for two months and I had to get a job at the same time, but it’s not enough time for me to save up enough to get a place because I have to pay child support, which takes half of my money and I can’t save for first month’s rent, last month's rent, and security deposit. It’s too much money for just me. I have been homeless for over ten years now. It has been horrible. I’ve got behind on a lot of child support because of it. I have lived with depression, high anxiety, and stress every waking hour for all these years. I had started hearing voices the last three years. The doctor told me that with depression getting so bad, it caused me to be schizoaffective. I also can no longer stay focused no matter how hard I try. My mind is all over the place thinking about everything. It has actually been hard to write this. I now get social security. It helps with child support, but after child support I only get four-hundred dollars a month. Nowhere can I get a place with that. I’d have to pay rent, electricity, and my phone bill. I don’t see any way to ever have my simple dream, like having a place, food, and a family. Really, I stopped thinking about it recently. I have learned to be happy despite all of the hardship. I have learned the important things in life. I’ve stopped being angry, saying “why did I have to be born to a life like this”. I had my opportunity and screwed it up for having all that anger buildup. I’ve learned to love. My stepdad is no longer alive. I forgive him though. He was actually a good man. He took a woman and six kids in and took us out of the public housing. My mom, I don’t know where she is today. She is a good mother though. She raised six kids with two of them handicapped. That is a lot of work. I feel very sad for her because she has had a rough life too. We all have rough lives that cause us to be imperfect. We tend to take our pain and sorrow out in negative ways like anger, drinking, or drugs. I learned to appreciate what I do have. The beautiful skies, seeing the sun coming up in the morning, and the stars at night. The beautiful trees and flowers, the amazing animals, the ocean, lakes, and rivers. I’ve learned to appreciate what my life has created for me. It made me the man I am today; I’m loving. I’m appreciative. I’m a hard worker. Even though I see no end in sight, I am still trying hard. I am trying twice as hard than most- I have to. It’s horrible not knowing when the next time you are going to eat or have a drink of water. I have run out of places just asking for some water. Most of all, I am closer to God. Even though I have done the most horrible thing to curse God many years ago. I know he forgives me and is with me and that is what matters. We all are going to leave this world one day and I want to go knowing I have done the best I could. I know I can’t take anything with me when I go. I can’t leave behind anything materialistic for my son, but I can leave behind some knowledge to him and others. No matter what negative situation happens, the main thing that matters is to live by God’s word. Be humble before God and never forsake him. Never give up no matter what. Do the best you can do, and never allow your heart to be hardened.
story of coercion, sexual assault, rape and survival (TW Explicit Material)I decided to download Tinder because I was bored. I had made an account and said that I was 18. But I was actually 16. There were some creepy guys that I matched with but I was just ignored them. I matched with this guy named Ben. He seemed like a nice guy. He wanted to hang out the same day we began talking. I didn’t want him to become suspicious so I said okay to hanging out. I was very worried about what could happen. I could not drive because I didn’t have my license yet. I made up a story about how I wanted to hang out with one of my friends who would pick me up. My parents approved because they knew my friend. I got ready and had my “friend” pick me up. Ben picked me up and I got in his car. Immediately, I smelled weed. I do not smoke or do any drugs. I am very opposed to it. That was my first red flag. So, the car ride was pretty normal. We got to his apartment. He had a few roommates. He lived off campus but close to the college he was attending at. We watched a movie on Netflix. I sat on his bed, while he laid down on the other side of the bed. I still felt comfortable. I then decided to lay down next to him. There was still about 3 feet in between us. We then did some play fighting and he pulled me closer. We began to cuddle. I still felt comfortable. He kiss the top of my head. And then I kiss his lips. I knew it was wrong. He didn’t know I was 16... we begin to make out. I still felt comfortable. Ben wanted to takeoff my shirt. Which was fine with me. After that he wanted to takeoff my bra. This was the point where I was not comfortable anymore. I told him “no I don’t want my bra off”. I objected many times but eventually he did take it off. After that, we still make out. He takes his shirt and pants off. I did not ask him to do that. He asked many, many times for me to takeoff my jeans after that. I did not want to. I didn’t allow him to convince me. I said “I don’t have a flat stomach and I’m self conscious about it”. He made jokes about it, it honestly made me feel even more self conscious about my stomach, He kept saying “this would be a lot easier if your pants were off” as he was touching me. “Please take off your jeans” etc. I was fine with what he was doing to me (kissing, sexual things), just not the part of him wanting to takeoff my clothes. I know it sounds weird. He said “if I can’t make you (get off) then at least you can (get me off).” So he had me do something to him. It only lasted for probably five seconds because I stopped it. I needed to get home soon or else my parents would get suspicious of where I actually went. So, I used that as an excuse to stop. He said “that’s it? That was too fast”. I said “I need to get home, I don’t want to get in trouble.” We got dressed, he said “I could f*ck the sh*t out of you.” The ride home was weird. We were talking about what happened. He said “be glad that I didn’t take off your jeans. It took a lot of self control. *laugh* If I would’ve taken off your jeans, you probably would’ve screamed.” I was totally astounded when he said that. If his roommates weren’t around and the apartment was empty, he could’ve went farther. Remember, I didn’t have a ride home. He was my ride. It’s so crazy because you think you would know what to do if you were in that situation. But you don’t. I also felt very guilty because I put myself in that situation. Even though he didn’t rape me, I am terrified. When I got home, I still couldn’t believe what happened. A couple days later, he texted me and I immediately blocked him. I should’ve done this right when I got home but I wanted to see what his next text would be to me. I’m angry and sad that I went to hang out with him. I should’ve waited and get to know him for awhile.
story of sexual abuse and exploring sexuality (TW Explicit Material)I'm just a normal 26 year old happy guy who never overthinking things for the past years. I'm quite a shy guy, and almost never share anything really private unless I'm comfortable with someone who I can share with, including my family or close friends. I never had someone who I can call my true best friend who is always there for me so I rarely share what's on my mind. In 2017 I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. For me, she's the best ex I've ever had. Funny, understanding, warm and I'm very comfortable around her.. but not long, we have our differences and we decided to break up. Fast forward, I still haven't been able to move on and am still searching for someone who is exactly like her -- the one who can make me feel comfortable -- but alas, I haven't found anything like her yet. Until that day.. I met a certain person in my new workplace. This person is technically my boss, but due to being only 2 years apart in age, we quickly become friends.. best friends in fact. For the first time in a long time, I have someone who I can share my problem with. He in fact is the only person who understands my situation, not judgmental, and willing to listen. We usually spend like 2 hours video calls every 2 weeks or so, talking pretty much about everything. From work, life problems, love anything you can think of. It was such a blissful moment for me to have met someone whose way of thinking is exactly like mine. One day I invited him to my house for a little sleepover and quality time. And as usual, we pretty much talked all night before we went to sleep.. and then something happened. His hand is actually groping and feeling up my body. From my crotch, chest, stomach etc. For the first time, I realized that I'm not hating a guy's touch. In fact, I think I'm enjoying it so I did the same to him. I gave him a handjob, and so did he. Fast forward the next day, He claimed did not remember anything from last night. Am I dreaming? No, I don't think it's not because it's too real for me for a dream. As he denied me talking about it, I convinced myself it must've been a dream or something so I never thought about it afterwards. A year passed by, and we grew closer and closer than ever before. I haven't given up on searching for the next girlfriend who can make me comfortable. But after plenty of first and second dates, I never felt any quality I've been searching for from various dates. One date I have known her for like 3 months, but never felt anything so I stopped and looked at the next one. Then one day, I invited my boss again to vent out my frustration about my loneliness and have someone to share with. He understood me and he also said that he is in the same situation as me. His ex-girlfriend left him to marry another and he has not been able to move on ever since. Much like best friends do, we spent hours talking about our stuff until dawn and decided to sleep. And then something again happened that night and this time it felt really real. We even kissed though, if I remember correctly. But I didn't confront him this time because I'm scared he might denied and thinking I'm gay or something. We live in a country where LGBTQ people are frowned upon, so I decided not to say anything. I'm still in touch with him, and this time, our communications are getting frequent. At least every 4-5 days, we usually chat or do video calls. Our record for video calls was 5 hours long though, how Impressive was that? I called him up to spend the night with me again and he gladly accepted. Again, something did happen that night and I remember correctly this time. But as I'm confused about what kind of relationship we are having, I decided to confront him for the last time. This time he did not deny about the 2nd and 3rd time we did it. But he still claimed didn't remember anything on the 1st night. So, basically he came out that he's bisexual. I don't know about myself actually. Whether I'm gay, bi or straight, it doesn't really matter to me. As I don't want to put labels on it. Maybe I'm just pansexual and I'm drawn to his personality and he is able to make me feel comfortable. That's why I didn't hate his touch the first time before. As we both came out, he told me that he was actually relieved that he was able to tell me about it, despite that he thought I might not accept him for who he is. But again, I'm in the same boat as him as it was hard to tell each other about our confusing sexuality. That night, he also told me that he actually has a boyfriend. He has been going for 2 years and isn't able to tell me prior to his coming out. I was shocked and at a loss at that time. Why do I feel shocked? Why do I feel at a loss when he told me about his boyfriend? Is it because I subconsciously love him the moment he makes me comfortable? Is it because we slept together twice? Truth to be told, I'm still at a loss myself. Maybe finally admitting that I'm not straight, and having all of my feelings bottled up and everything was released at the same time and I became emotionally unstable. So I put our discussion on hold. After a week of struggle coming out to him, I can't sleep, I can't think and he's all I could think about. Why did he have to meet him first 2 years ago? Why didn't I meet him faster before he had a boyfriend? That thought crossed my mind many times for a week, and I concluded to myself: That I'm in love with him. For at least 1 year of knowing him, the moment he made me comfortable. A day before I started writing this story, I finally confronted him at his house and told him I love him. I told him when I fell in love with him. I told him why I love him. And I told him that I'm freaking jealous over his boyfriend. All this time, when we slept together for twice/thrice, I thought it was a signal from him that he's into me, but I think I misread those signals. Or he's just a freaking asshole. I put my hopes and expectations on him and he let me down. I know it was wrong for me to put expectations on others. After that, we decided to remain best friends. It's gonna be hard for me to handle my feelings towards him. But if I left him, I don't have anyone else who I can share this with. He still has a boyfriend to share this with, but what about me? I have no one that could understand me better than him. I'm lonely. And the fact that my best friend just made me even more lonely is what makes this hard.
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