story of complex medical conditions, self acceptance, and healingIt was in 2018, I was 17 years old. I was in my teenage phase where I was just a teenager who just cared about having fun and taking life easy. I was going for my o-levels when I had the biggest shock of my life. I had symptoms of skin rashes but I was taking it lightly, hoping that it would be gone. But it got bigger, more blisters and more scarring happened.
And then I tried to muster the courage to tell my mom. I nearly thought I had breast cancer. On the first day of my examination, I was filled with anxiety, stress and had an imbalance of emotions. This led me to have a low achievement rate at my o-levels . And then the doctor diagnosed and declared I have atopic dermatitis which was heartbreaking for me and my mom. But for me, I was completely devastated. I had been crying, trying to understand what was happening. I was traumatized. I couldn't have the ability to have courage, I had lost weight. It got chronic within months. That was agonizing seeing my breasts like that. And then the second year it came back, it became worse. I had blisters on almost every part of my body. It had intensified. I was just wearing long-sleeved covered clothes in public. I was frequently using cortisone and steroid ointment. I had scarring which was thick- frequent scratching caused blood. I was in deep misery. I felt awful seeing my body like that. I was in a phase when I had started developing suicidal thoughts wishing I could end it. I wasn't myself. I had been distanced from many people from 2020 till 2021. Then, the year 2021 at the 6th month that disease completely changed me. I tried to change myself, I changed my thinking, my way of seeing my life. I was getting to know myself and my disease slowly began to leave me. I had started loving myself. I am sharing this story in order to spread awareness, to come support people who are fighting with eczema or atopic skin diseases, I just wanna say don't give up. It is the worst feeling to have such a disease. As it drains you completely making you feel inferior and having to cover yourself always. You can be in depression as you feel alienated, alone in your own suffering that you only know how it feels. But I just wanna keep fighting, it will heal And you will find yourself. Don't Give Up.
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story of self harm, dermatillamania, and parental abuseDuring my 8th year of existence, I began a rare form of self harm called skin picking, otherwise known as excoriation disorder. Around 2-5% of the population have this disorder, and it's most common between the ages of 13-15. I could never initially pinpoint exactly why I did this. I certainly never knew how to stop, either. My parents spent money on dressings and treatments, but I couldn't seem to stop. I have continued to do this right up until now, but I'm slowly realizing things about it. I now know it gets worse when I am anxious or upset. I know that it is worse when I am at home for prolonged periods of time. I have been mentally and emotionally abused by my mother since birth. She never helps me to feel good about myself, and targets my flaws. Due to this, I always feel like that, if I am already ugly and a bad person, then I may as well continue to pick at my skin. If I could stop, I would. I would give anything to rewrite the past 7 years, and take my disorder out of it, but I can't and I am working towards healing myself.
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