story of coercion, sexual assault, rape and survival (TW Explicit Material)
I decided to download Tinder because I was bored. I had made an account and said that I was 18. But I was actually 16. There were some creepy guys that I matched with but I was just ignored them. I matched with this guy named Ben. He seemed like a nice guy. He wanted to hang out the same day we began talking. I didn’t want him to become suspicious so I said okay to hanging out. I was very worried about what could happen. I could not drive because I didn’t have my license yet. I made up a story about how I wanted to hang out with one of my friends who would pick me up. My parents approved because they knew my friend. I got ready and had my “friend” pick me up. Ben picked me up and I got in his car. Immediately, I smelled weed. I do not smoke or do any drugs. I am very opposed to it. That was my first red flag. So, the car ride was pretty normal. We got to his apartment. He had a few roommates. He lived off campus but close to the college he was attending at. We watched a movie on Netflix. I sat on his bed, while he laid down on the other side of the bed. I still felt comfortable. I then decided to lay down next to him. There was still about 3 feet in between us. We then did some play fighting and he pulled me closer. We began to cuddle. I still felt comfortable. He kiss the top of my head. And then I kiss his lips. I knew it was wrong. He didn’t know I was 16... we begin to make out. I still felt comfortable. Ben wanted to takeoff my shirt. Which was fine with me. After that he wanted to takeoff my bra. This was the point where I was not comfortable anymore. I told him “no I don’t want my bra off”. I objected many times but eventually he did take it off. After that, we still make out. He takes his shirt and pants off. I did not ask him to do that. He asked many, many times for me to takeoff my jeans after that. I did not want to. I didn’t allow him to convince me. I said “I don’t have a flat stomach and I’m self conscious about it”. He made jokes about it, it honestly made me feel even more self conscious about my stomach, He kept saying “this would be a lot easier if your pants were off” as he was touching me. “Please take off your jeans” etc. I was fine with what he was doing to me (kissing, sexual things), just not the part of him wanting to takeoff my clothes. I know it sounds weird. He said “if I can’t make you (get off) then at least you can (get me off).” So he had me do something to him. It only lasted for probably five seconds because I stopped it. I needed to get home soon or else my parents would get suspicious of where I actually went. So, I used that as an excuse to stop. He said “that’s it? That was too fast”. I said “I need to get home, I don’t want to get in trouble.” We got dressed, he said “I could f*ck the sh*t out of you.” The ride home was weird. We were talking about what happened. He said “be glad that I didn’t take off your jeans. It took a lot of self control. *laugh* If I would’ve taken off your jeans, you probably would’ve screamed.” I was totally astounded when he said that. If his roommates weren’t around and the apartment was empty, he could’ve went farther. Remember, I didn’t have a ride home. He was my ride. It’s so crazy because you think you would know what to do if you were in that situation. But you don’t. I also felt very guilty because I put myself in that situation. Even though he didn’t rape me, I am terrified. When I got home, I still couldn’t believe what happened. A couple days later, he texted me and I immediately blocked him. I should’ve done this right when I got home but I wanted to see what his next text would be to me. I’m angry and sad that I went to hang out with him. I should’ve waited and get to know him for awhile.
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