TW: Suicidal Thoughts, Medication Over-Use, and Abandonment
Hi, this is my story of my 'Happy' Life. It all started when I was a little baby. When my parents brought me home from the hospital, they fought on the first night, and they fought every day since then. Three years later, they had my brother, NB. I do love that kid, even though he is a little brat that gets on my nerves 24/7. When I was 4, my parents got divorced. I don't really remember most of my childhood, but I am making a good living. Since 2014, my mom married J.R., and now I am related to horrible people I don't like. Meanwhile, my dad sits at home with his mom all day, depressed. He quit his job just last year after he fell through a window, and we almost lost him. I don't know what I would do without my dad in my life, though. Lately, I have been realizing all kinds of stuff, like the fact that I almost lost my dad. Throughout these years, I have been feeling good, but during the summer when I had time to catch my breath and think for a minute, I realized a lot. So now that you're up to date, let us talk about how each day is for me, starting with today because I am going to write a little each day to tell you how my life is going.
Today is Wednesday. I went to class like normal. We had a substitute. Then I went to my next class. It was just a regular day. Now it is Tuesday. It's an A-day, so that means I have science, and I am done with my work in science, which is why I am able to write this. These children in my class are driving me crazy.
In a few minutes, there will be a prep up or something, but I don't really like those things. Oh, also, C.P. left me today. She went to the doctor. It's okay. I am scared she is going to see me as I see myself. I feel like that's how all my friends are going to see me, and then they will leave me. It makes me upset to think about it, and the thing is that I know it is true that they are going to leave me. It sucks. I hate my life because everyone leaves me. I act like I am okay, but I am not, and I just want to die. The reason I want to die is that I am tired of my life. I am a good kid. I do my school work, I listen to my teacher and mother. I am a good kid, but I never get treated like it. Like when my class would not shut up, so we got homework, even though I did the right thing. I do my chores, I listen to my parents most of the time, but I get treated like crap. I just don't understand it, okay? I just don't.
The thing is that I want to die because of my life. Sorry I haven't been able to write. The only reason I can now is that I just took a test, and I finished it. Did I fail it? Yes, I did. Do I care? No, no, I don't. And if you're wondering about the last time we talked, I will tell you what has happened since then. Well, someone told Ms. M, and I had thousands of cops and people show up at my house because of it. Also, I have to start going to therapy. I am also going to have to be put on medicine. I think it's going to be called something like 'Happy Pills' because that's what one of my friends is on for a similar thing. The thing that got me most upset was when my mom shipped me off to my dad's for the weekend so that she could cool off. I felt horrible all weekend, and I barely talked during that weekend. For now, though, I am better, and I don't know what's next in my life.
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