I was 4 years old when my cousin touched me and made me touch him. My parents were working and I needed a babysitter. I remember wanting him to read me a story before bed (that's the only way I could fall asleep.) He told me that he wouldn't do it unless I touched him. I was only a child I had no idea what he meant or what I was doing, I didn't even know if it was a bad thing to do. He started reading the story to me, after a while he stopped and said if I didn't let him touch me, I couldn't hear how the story ended. i don't remember much after that, however, my mom told me when she picked me up I wouldn't go anywhere near my cousin. Shortly after that I ended up telling her what had happened. When I was 13 he tried to reach out to me, my mom thought I was old enough to hear the whole situation. Honestly, I still get flashbacks. I haven't seen him since. About a year ago my cousin was sentenced for 6 years in prison for violating another innocent girl. I was asked to speak at the court hearing but just didn't have it in me. I want everyone to know that you can't let things like that define you. It's NOT your fault, self blame is a common thing and it's not true. You can't let it hold you back from any type of relationship. Lastly, never be afraid to ask for help or even just ask someone to listen.
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