First off I am a father of two wonderful children I hold so dear and care for with all my heart, and soul. I grew up basically fatherless, and my childhood was filled with struggles, and poverty.
Reflecting on that experience I want the very best for my children as they grew up. The truth about, God, the bible and the right church. I had all good intentions, and strived to provide for family. I worked three to four jobs to pay bills and give them what they needed.
We went to church, served God and taught bible studies while my children were very young. We trusted a family in the church to babysit our children. We were so cautious, strict with them and we would not let them sleep over at anyone's home.
However, we made an exception for them to be watched by a family in the church with older children. So now jumping the timeline to five years later, one of children tells us the boy at their home they were baby sat lifted up her clothing. That's all we were told at the time. I was very angry, and wanted to to get to the bottom of this story ( not to mention beat him and maim him). However, vengeance belongs to the Lord. I have had to work through forgiveness, of others, myself, and healing over this.
The other party was extremely upset, in denial, and even threatened us in a way, so our trust level began to drop. Years following this situation, we were accused of picking on their son, and he told his mom that we bullied him in our Sunday school classes. My children would not talk anymore about what happened to my grief.
Years later, when my children were adults they told me some of what happened them, but not the full story. My heart is very broken and my trust in others has definitely plunged. My children were very confused, their innocence and trust stolen. You see this evil boy told them that we would spank them if they told, and that no one would believe them. I still do not know the whole story, and honestly I am at a loss as what to since it happened about 18 years ago.
I am angry with myself, and have so much regret for not knowing what happened to them. The hardest part is how I feel about not knowing the truth, because then it could've been dealt with, talked about, healed, and justice could've been brought to the table so to speak. My children are no longer minors, they are haunted by this abuse.
This predator, molester, evil man is still around. What he did has destroyed the relationship with my children. He destroyed their trust in their parents, church, God, and people that truly love them.
I don't know how to fix any of this in the past, but I want to apologize to my children, I was so ignorant, and stupid not knowing the horrors, pain, and broken self esteem they went through.
I pray daily for this to just pass, but the pain of it all is often overwhelming. As a father knowing how much my children hurt. I had no idea what was happening to them, and yet thinking back if I did. I would just be getting released from prison for a moment of blind insane rage.
I don't blame my church, God, or my children. My children were humiliated, and their precious trust they had for us and others is destroyed.
I am so sorry, children please forgive me...I really would have done more if I had known the whole truth, the whole story.
Both of my children are so traumatized, their memory is damaged, they have symptoms of PTSD, nightmares, and someone has convinced one of them that we (her parents) knew the whole story, and did nothing.
I have no idea what to do. I am not the victim...but this hurts me, because it hurts my children! I would have never of let this happen to them, and if I would've known. God help me!
One of my children told me they were molested when they turned 18, and my other child has not told me officially, but I found out from their sibling.
Pressed charges would've been the first thing to do.
However, its destroyed the relationship with I had with my kids, and I don't know if they will trust me again, because I was so ignorant, and blind.
How do I build trust again?
How can they get closure, or justices this late, so far after the fact?
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