"To This Day"

Dear victims and supporters I'm an Arabic male 27 Yrs old (at that time), and I'm .. Depressed, my story started when I was 3 I got raped by my neighbor … like regularly and when I was 7 we moved out. We moved out to another city and I was the youngest in my neighborhood so I had no friends so I was hanging out with this guy (25) we used to go to video games shops and one day he invited me at his house and raped me. He called all of his friends (12 or more) and they told the whole town. To this day no one takes me seriously and people mock me, people who get raped aren’t considered men, they do not get jobs, or get married. 20 years later I still think about it every night and sometimes it’s even hard to breath. I don't sleep well most of the time, and every time someone talks about sex or manhood I have a panic attack. I can't have a relationship, every time I have sex I get emotional and tears come out. My life got worse when they kicked me out of the army because I tried to kill my self ..I just .. wish I was born again even as an animal or tree just .. not this life. I'm writing my story with tears and to all who have been raped you're not alone, and I wish you peace. ​