On september 22 this year i attended a women entrepreneurs conference in the neighboring town.This skinny really short 5 ft 3’ gray-haired masculine woman in her late 50s approached me and introduced herself. She said that she was a local bookstore owner. I was wearing my pink satin short sleeve bow blouse, my black satin pencil skirt and my pink 6 inch high heels shoes.Then she said that she likes to caress satin fabric and that silk and satin is so smooth to the touch when rubbing.Then she started rubbing my back with her right hand while talking to me about the conference.Then i sat on the chair the conference started and she sat on the chair behind me and began rubbing my back. I felt awkward. She then began furthering her reach and casually brushed across my rib cage/chest. I thought it was an accident, then she did it again and left her hand there and leaned in to whisper something about the conference. She kept rubbing my back then leaned in and stopped at the same spot and said something else. And that happened a few times. She began fully brushing the sides of my breasts. While she was standing talking her hands were resting on my shoulders. Her hands were practically constantly on me during the conference.The conference ended and while i was talking to two other women she walked up to me and said ”uuuu i love your blouse”and she started rubbing my back with her left hand and with her right hand rubbing my whole front side concentrating on my breasts. She was explaining to the other women that she just can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric.They were totally weirded out. Then she said to me “You are so tall and big and soft”I was literally frozen. I just stood there not saying a word.Later while i was talking to one panelist she was behind me rubbing and caressing my backside with her right hand. Later in the hallway she hugged me from behind placing her hands on my breasts and cupped my breasts, squeezing gently for like 5 minutes. While i was walking to my car she was walking behind me with her hands on my backside talking to me about the conference.She was resting her hands on my butt. She had her arm around me from behind and was just cupping one of my breasts. I tried to walk fast but i was on 6 inch high heels.I was just standing and sitting there letting it happen. i was like frozen to the ground and paralyzed. Suddenly, i was unable to speak coherently. I was going “ummmmm” ” errrrrrrrrr for ages and ages. That happened to me three months ago but i am still so embarrassed by the whole thing. I’m embarrassed that this weird stranger woman was touching me and groping me so intimately in front of more than 50 other women and I did nothing about it. I am physically stronger than her. I am 5 ft 10 tall well built well endowed and curvy. She was 5 ft 3 tall and skinny. I was on 6 inch high heels she was in sneakers.I am a 41-year-old woman what is wrong with me? I am a weak spineless person. Why would I scream my head off if a man did it but I can’t verbalize a succinct “NO” to this woman.I didn’t say anything or tell her to stop. I couldn’t talk normal.I couldn’t get words out of my mouth.I was totally paralyzed while she was touching me and groping me. Mouth was open but no words came out of it. I am so confused about what happened to me! Whether or not it was my fault or not!I feel so ashamed.I feel so foolish and used by a total stranger woman. Other women at the conference were weirded out but they ignored that and said/did nothing as if nothing was happening. I think that the women were in shock themselves, maybe they thought we knew each other? Unfortunately some people don’t like to get involved if they feel uncomfortable or threatened or not sure what is going on.I am physically stronger than this woman, but i was totally paralyzed while she was touching me, rubbing me, and groping me.It was like i went into ‘freeze’ mode when she started touching me.I just was in shock. What happened I feel has traumatized me so much. Please tell me I am overreacting? I was totally paralyzed and numb while she was touching me and groping me. I was just sitting and standing there kind of awkwardly. I was like frozen, detached and numb while she was touching me and rubbing me. Afterwards when i got home I started breathing hard, my legs got weak, and my heart started to race really fast. I have never felt such shame or degradation like this in my life. I am so consumed with guilt. I didn’t tell my husband about this. I was to ashamed. Also I can’t talk to my husband about this because he is extremely jealous and possessive. He is going to blame me.
When I started high school at the age of 11 I made friends with some very controlling people. It was all going well until year 8 when they became very controlling and by the end of year 9 I was beginning to get ignored. This made me feel very isolated and alone and so when I got home I would just stay in my room and listen to little mix as I didn’t want my family to ask me how school was going. I started to feel suicidal and depressed I started self harming as a way to cope as I felt like I didn’t have anyone to talk to. When my parents found out they began to help. I was given counseling and I was separated from them. I made new friends and they helped me to move on and recover. I wish that I’d have known that there would be an end to the way I felt if I only asked. I think I would tell someone that they can do it and to always talk to someone when you are feeling down or going back to old thoughts if not a friend then a family member or someone you trust maybe. Also remember that there is always hope on the other side xx
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