"The Sun Always Rises"

I used to think he only abused me if he ever laid a hand on me. But that's not the case, abuse comes in all forms. Physical, emotional, verbal, upon many others. I was a freshman in high school and he was a junior. It was my first real relationship and I thought he was my first true love. Obviously, I felt on top of the world in the beginning, showered with gifts and love and my family adored him. But with those gifts came being called a slut and dumb. And with the love came arguments, and being screamed at about things that seemed so small and ridiculous. Overtime, he began to control my life. And I let him. I didn't talk to the friends I had always talked to before, because he told me I couldn't, I didn't go out anymore because he told me I couldn't. He told me I couldn't..... In the meantime he'd manipulate me into thinking I owed him things. Things I hate myself for. My self-confidence was broken down. I had nothing anymore. I stopped trying to reach my life-long goals. I thought I couldn't tell anyone because it would just make things worse. I was lost, and I tried to find myself in bad things, things I'll regret for the rest of my life. I don't even know why I stayed as long as I did. Maybe it was because I was young and naive or maybe it was because if I broke up with him I'd have no one. Or maybe it was because I thought he loved me.

"You never know how toxic something is until you get a breath of fresh air". A good friend told me that after me and my year long boyfriend broke up. I had never felt more free than once I was done with him. Finally being able to tell my family the truth, instead of trying to wipe my tears before I walked into the house was unbelievably relieving. I don't regret the relationship. Some people think I'm crazy for saying that, but I wouldn't be as strong and as happy as I am today if I hadn't gone through that relationship. He had taken such big pieces of me, pieces I'll never get back. And I have to live with that. But what matters most now is that I'm free, and I'm happy, so unbelievably happy.

During the relationship, I didn't even know there was such a thing as emotional abuse. He was emotionally abusing me and I didn't even know that was possible. If I had known sooner, I would have been out of the relationship much earlier. But everything happens for a reason. So what I want people to get out of my story is that, emotional abuse is very real, and it's very scary and it's just as deafening as being physically abused. Being aware of abuse is so important. But ultimately you are not alone in your battle, and being afraid to say something will just make things so much worse. Always remember you are never alone and that the sun always rises no matter how dark the night gets.