"I Didn't Ask for This"

I have social anxiety. It's not something you choose to get, and when you have it, it completely takes over your life. It's as if there is a dark cloud lingering over you constantly. You feel as if people are looking and judging you 24/7. You stay shy, because you're too afraid to speak to strangers. You're considered "weird", or "anti social", to your friends when you don't go out, when really you just can't conquer leaving your house, and avoid instead. But you can't tell them. So you remain "the bad friend". But the part that hurts the most is that you secretly wish people knew, and hope they would care. But at the end of the day no one does. We constantly search for validation from our peers. And telling them should feel relieving, but truthfully they wouldn't show the validation you seek (that being support), and it would hurt you even more. I wish people didn't assume I'm a bad person for never leaving my house, or not meeting them somewhere because I didn't have the courage to ask someone how to get there. It's painful being called "uncaring", when you actually do care. Especially coming from someone you love. Social anxiety builds a wall, and I have been trying to break it down but it's so hard.